omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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