Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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