my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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