1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drake has all the answers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
