What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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