We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
