haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
