Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We talked him into tasing himself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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