Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
