I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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