goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
