HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize