That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it because I queefed?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
