oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
