FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
