I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
