My liver just broke up with me...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
