who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
