I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
