HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
