I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
