Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drake has all the answers
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
