As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
