There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
