dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
