my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
