My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
