I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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