Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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