it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
