wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
