don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
