My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
