Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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