I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
