Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
of course. lets lasso hookers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
