my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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