Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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