covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
