I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
