Do vagina's smell?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
