i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
