p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
