you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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