You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
