You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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