Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
