her facebook's as public as her vagina
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
