ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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