I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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