I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
