the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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