my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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