I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
