i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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