you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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