Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
