I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
