That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
