i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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