What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
