remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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