i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
