I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
