I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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