I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
