I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
