3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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