i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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