I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
