Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
